Welcome libidinousfaerie (long name to remember lol),
I really enjoyed reading your story - and can relate to many things you've said. Its good that you've made a new life for yourself, and while you can reflect back on the good and bad times you seem to have a balanced view of all that happened to you. Your right that for some being a witness is a good thing for them, for others its not, shame there isn't really a choice to leave without some repercussions with family who are in. Obviously you are still thinking about it and being affected by it, so I hope you find this place somewhere to chat about it.
CS 101